i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
