new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
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