the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
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