I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
