Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
