I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize