if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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