but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
