I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
