the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
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I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
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My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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