Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
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Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
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Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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