Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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