Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
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