Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
