I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
