So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
