you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Randomize
