If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
