Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
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