You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
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traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
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im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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