You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
drinking out of a sandbucket again
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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