All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Randomize
