I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
