If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
