I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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