I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
