Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
