I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
