I could make wine with my vomit
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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