i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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