Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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