So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
