Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
