you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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