the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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