remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
