Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
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