cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Panties = found
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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