my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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