paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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