my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
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dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
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Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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