Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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