I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
