....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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