I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Randomize
