my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Randomize
