I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize
