Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
So vagazzling was a success
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
