Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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