i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
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Some one left their pants in the elevator.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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