dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
