It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
