Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
