R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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