I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
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So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
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We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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