dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
