some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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