Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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